Xanthochromic: four syllables
I used a big ole’ word for “yellow-haired” and have therefore already dispelled the dumb blonde stereotype. Isn’t that, like, so totally awesome and whatever?!?!!?
I’m the first to admit that my highlights are not exactly natural, but by means of nature’s blessing and/or chemical assistance, I have always (save for a few horrible dye jobs) been blonde. And I have always spelled it with the “e” at the end, because I am a very fancy lady. My blondness hasn’t really had much of an impact on my life. I’ve only had a few brief, mostly comical confrontations with some blonde stereotypes:
1. “Gentlemen prefer blondes.”
Once I reacted to getting dumped by losing a bunch of weight, briefly taking up smoking, and dying my hair dark reddish brown (I know…super original and even more mature). For 10ish months I went through shades of red, brown, and some God awful maroon that was not at all the “Cinnaspice” the box advertised. Through a sophisticated data collection system called “Pretty Much Not Getting Any Tail At All,” I gathered that the fellas are maybe not so hot for brunette Emily.
2. “Blondes have more fun.”
See #1 for comparison. If brunette was my dry spell, blonde has been a non-stop marathon of good good lovin’ (okay I’m exaggerating, but I do just fine thankyouverymuch). I was blonde the first time I left the country. I sported golden locks during my year off from school. I was blonde for both my high school and College graduations, and am just as xanthochromic as ever for this lovely relationship I’m having with Portland, which is definitely still in the Honeymoon phase.
3. Blonde jokes…
These do not get to me, nor have they ever. I laughed along when others explained how to drown/kill/confuse a blonde. I will say, though, that the day sporting pigtails to school prompted the question, what do you call a blonde with pigtails…?! was the day I abandoned the hairstyle.
4. Dumb Blonde jokes…
Dolly Parton said it best: I’m not offended by all the dumb-blonde jokes because I know that I’m not dumb. I also know I’m not blonde.
Some days out of boredom I court the idea of going to a drastic dark brown, but then I think: Grace Kelly. Brigitte Bardot. Marilyn. It’s always comforting to remember that I share a hair hue with the likes of some legendary ladies. Such as, like, the Miss South Carolina and such as.