Hailing from the most suburban of suburbs, Northern Virginia, I have no real regional identity. When you’re from Northern Virginia–never NOVA–your only claims to fame are that “you pretty much live in D.C.” (no), and uh…yeah.
So then I went to UVA, the flagship school of Pretending to be Southern When You’re Really From, Like, Scranton. But between the horse races and the mint juleps and singing every last Zac Brown Band song, arms thrown around that person you just met at the Virginian…a little of that faux-southern mentality trickles in. Which brings me to pretending to be:
So the seersucker whiskey has seeped into your brain, and it gets to be that you start liking country music. And somehow, that translates in your mind as being a little southern. Even though you’re not, in the slightest. But then someone calls you (me) out, because for all the Keith Urban and Tay-Swifty songs you know by heart, the most embarrassing thing a faux-country lover can say is, “Who’s Hank Williams?”
All I can say is, country music does not Country make. And even then I’m not very good at it. But I do like hiking and being in the tall grass and harvesters and all those things they talk about in the songs, right? Rifles? I love rifles! And fishing, my dad taught me to fish! Does that make me:
I love the outdoors, but I can neither pretend that I am a) earthy enough to harvest the land for wild game because I need to or b) privileged enough to hunt while smoking cigars.
And yet…I want this camouflage Otterbox with every fiber of my being.
I don’t know why. I just love it. I mean I do really like the outdoors, but to be honest I am not a habitual hunter, if you hadn’t guessed. So I’d just look ridiculous with it. But I really, really want it…
Seriously, I spent the better part of the weekend trying to get people to convince me to get the case. Also, this blog post is mostly an exercise in getting people to agree with me that the case is awesome. And that no, I’m not a poser, and yes, I do need it, you know, for the phone protection. Please feel free to comment below agreeing with me; keep in mind feedback will be heavily moderated.