Category Archives: Man Week

About the Author: Larry is a true culture connoisseur. He writes about postgraduate life for the Examiner and makes sure to stay ahead of the trends. He’s a fabulous representation of our (Denise, Joceline, and Lori anyway) beloved alma mater, as he is both interesting and interested in others, not to mention brilliant.

Like the ladies that maintain this blog, I have multiple labels. I’d like to think that most of the labels have a lot less to do with being a typical guy in his young 20s and more to do with being someone who is cultured, educated, and passionate, regardless of gender or age. Here are a few: postgraduate, city dweller, bachelor, athlete, tech junkie, activist, mentor, animal lover, African-American, army brat, wannabe movie critic, blogger,  analyst,  groomsman, sports fanatic, volunteer, online shopping expert, traveler,  Food junkie, GLBT rights supporter, social media addict, economist,  music guru, TV addict, non-partisan voter, Wahoo, etc.

At first glance, I seem like your typical postgraduate. Graduated from a top university, job lined up after graduation, living on my own, etc. Based on the above labels, it’s clear that I’m a bit more than just a “typical postgrad”. I am what is known as a Jack of All Trades.  Underneath it all, comes a plethora of indecisiveness, reluctance, and confusion.

Wikipedia (the greatest source in the history of man) defines a Jack of All Trades as someone who is competent with many skills but not necessarily outstanding in any particular one. I like to think that I’m really good at . . . everything (Add egoist to the label factory), haha.  Throughout school we are taught to be well-rounded to get into a good college and get a good job. A Jack of All Trades turns being well-rounded into a lifestyle.

Most people ultimately figure out a major, a career, or an activity that they’re passionate about by graduation.  I went through countless activities, four major switches, three job offers and two jobs and now I am somewhat settled down but still always thinking ahead. What can I do next? What’s another industry I want to conquer? What can I do that I’ve never done before? But, in the real world it’s not that easy. Continuously switching jobs isn’t necessarily the best idea and I was lucky enough to find a position that has me doing completely different tasks on a daily basis and keeps me guessing. After six months I have yet to wake up thinking “UGH, I have to go to work today.” This allows me to focus my Jack of All Trades persona on the more social realm of postgraduate life

A lot of people are so focused on the j-o-b that they forget about what else the world has to offer. Since I’ve graduated, my goal has been to take advantage of many of those things. Here I am, nine months later (in college time that’s three formals, two elections, five tryouts, and a host of different club interests meetings) and I feel like I’ve taken advantage of new opportunities. The real world gives you the freedom to be able to completely CHOOSE your trades (also the money; money helps a lot). Now I can afford to join organizations or be able to fund my budding fashion sense by spending a third of my paycheck on shopping. I can find free movie screenings in the area and seem super cool because I saw The Fighter three weeks before it came out. Volunteering at a food kitchen is extremely rewarding and I’ve met some of the most interesting people in my life there. I’ve realized that I LOVE dogs (more than I thought; great picture choice, Lori) and discovered that playing/training shelter dogs is like being a kid in a candy store for me. Flag football reminds me of the camaraderie that I had being a college athlete. I also mentor teenagers and am involved in social rights organizations, thus ending the involvement festival.

With all of that I still get to do the typical things that a postgraduate does, like going out to bars/clubs with friends, meeting new people, and dancing my butt off to the latest Ke$ha song. The cops were called at an apartment party I was at because someone’s baby (there aren’t many baby neighbors in college) was trying to sleep. We were blasting Gaga a few decibels too loudly and had gotten into numerous arguments with cab drivers because they don’t take credit cards, though I still say the customer is always right (there’s a great story behind that). Being a Jack of All Trades in the real world is basically a way of being able to invest time in all your interests without the burden of homework, papers, chapter meetings, and picking a major. With spring coming, my trades are becoming a little more athletic in nature: tennis lessons, golfing, and running a half marathon. I’m also becoming a bigger foodie and wino than I already am, and starting a blog to document my pursuit of becoming a true, Jack of All Trades. (Which Life in Labels is so excited about!)

These are pictures from the past years. I’ve always thought I could play tennis but it’s about time I master the sport, Haha.

While I know this sounds cliché, here is some advice: life is not a sprint, it’s a marathon. There are many highs and lows but at the end of the day, make it all worth it and it can be extremely rewarding.  Many people tend to try and follow a path that they have seen others take and may be so invested in work or a career that they don’t actually live the best life they can. Would you really want to run a marathon wearing shoes that aren’t exactly the right fit because you didn’t feel like searching for the best pair? Probably not.  If you want a completely awesome life, it’s worth putting in the effort.  Also, realize the scope of what’s out there. There’s a lot more to life than going out.  Most of the activities in college and high school are to put on a resume. Now, that we’re in the real world, what you participate in is not for recruiters, but for you.

Ultimately, I have no doubt that I’ll settle down into a career path and develop a drive for a particular industry or find one out of work activity that is really my calling. At age 22, my path is directed in many different directions because, in my opinion, this is time to experience what the world as to offer. I’ve done a lot in my time since graduating and there’s still SO much more that I want to do.

About the Author: Chris might not be an expert at picking up girls, but he has other skills which include (but are not limited to) gymnastics, argumentation, and organ playing. If you couldn’t already tell by his writing below,  Chris is fresh from grad school where he was in thesis-writing mode all summer. What a smarty. You can read more about him here.

Gentleman ≠ gentle man

As my title and subsequent prelude suggest, my post will largely deal with stereotypes that challenge (or at least are perceived to challenge) a male’s masculine identity. In modern society, the “formative years” of puberty are dominated by an opening to the worlds of sex and sexuality. It comes as no surprise, consequently, that young men (and women) are often faced with crises concerning their identity, giving rise to rampant and often irrational anxieties (homophobia, e.g.).

From what I’ve seen, such fears often manifest themselves in activities or labels associated with a specific gender. For example, ballet is identified with the female sex so partaking in it – let alone enjoying it – is considered demasculinizing. Men also have behavioral patterns which serve to overemphasize our masculinity or affirm one’s heterosexuality. As a highly active sex life is often assumed to be the most expedient solution to such a male identity crisis, these trends tend towards an objectification of sex at a fairly young age which only further exacerbates the marked association of behaviors with a sexual identity (i.e. masculine, unmasculine).

Kung fu? MANLY! Note: The injury in this photo was not his doing.

Piano playing? Classy, not effeminate!

All that high-handedness aside…now that I have established the link between sexual identity and behavior (or at least you’ve allowed me to assume one), let me get to my premise:

Gentlemanly behavior does not equate to effeminate behavior.

Chris' Alma Mater: The Mr. Darcy School of Gentlemanly Behavior

Now, not every aspect of “gentlemanly” behavior has been categorized as effeminate. For example, holding open a door for or giving up one’s seat for a woman are examples of “gentlemanly” behavior that are not considered challenges to one’s masculinity. Likewise, not all stereotypically masculine behavior is considered an heterosexual asset. On the other hand, consideration of, or at least respect for, the feelings of members of either sex is often labeled as distinctly effeminate behavior since feelings are overwhelmingly considered feminine in nature.

Now, in the interest of not dragging this post out to the extent of a dissertation proposal, allow me to quickly, albeit not very rigorously, dispel this misconception! If the display or consideration of feelings is to be considered something designed for the realm of femininity, then what should I consider to be proper masculine behavior? Inhumanity? It is fairly safe to assert that feelings in a generic sense are a fundamental component to our humanity – whether we are male or female. Hence, assigning feelings over to one specific sex is clearly a fallacy. Therefore, behavior acknowledges feelings as neither masculine or effeminate; they are simply humane.

And in a similar manner, one can come to the defense of the masculinity underlying other “questionable” behaviors like drinking fine wine, placing a napkin on one’s lap while eating, knitting* and – yes – reading Jane Austen novels.**

For most of my school life, I was a very introverted individual. In high school, I was a basement dwelling turbo-nerd. I could tell what map I was playing in Halo 2 by the sound of the footsteps of other players. I could navigate Vice City better than I could my actual hometown.  In undergrad, I was way more sociable, but that still only amounted to me going to parties and only talking to the dudes I already knew there.

And then, seemingly overnight, I changed completely. Almost immediately after getting accepted to med school last spring, I just let go, and suddenly a whole new world opened up. I honestly couldn’t tell you how, but all of a sudden, I was confident. I was talking to strangers, meeting girls, and saying things I never would have dared to say before.  So now I’m making up for lost time, and I’ve somehow been able to compress four years of college hookups into six months of med school.

Joce thought it would be interesting to talk about what goes through my mind when I’m out for the night, so here are some of the highlights of I’ve learned in the last few months:

First, an obvious statement. Confidence is key. I am acutely aware of this fact; see the story of my late bloom above.

Met with any less-than-positive reaction? Don't sweat it! Have fun and be brazen. They can smell fear.

Initial contact can go various ways. I prefer a fairly direct approach – you just sit down next to a girl and introduce yourself. But it’s important not to seem too eager. You don’t want to sit next to a girl who is talking to her friends, and then ignore them. It makes it very obvious what you’re doing. You need to greet the group as a whole, and then gradually move your focus towards the one you have your eye on. It’s not about making her jealous, it’s about being friendly enough that her friends don’t sink you first chance they get.

My style is very formulaic.  I hit on girls at a certain rate, putting a finite amount of time into a conversation before moving on. The trick is to be able to judge in a timely manner when a gambit is not going to pay off. Social cues help with this – it’s generally not a good sign if the girl is breaking off every 30 seconds to say hello to friends.

And by the same token, I have found prolonged eye contact to be pathognomonic for an acute case of DTF.  Eye contact is normal between two people having a routine conversation, but in the setting of a crowed bar or party, where there is a lot of other stuff going on – prolonged eye contact means something completely different, and is almost always a good sign. (Editor’s note: “pathognomonic” is a medical term for when a symptom undoubtedly points to one diagnosis.  Example: hydrophobia in rabies.  “DTF” is a term for …you could say “Down To have Fun.”)

A little bit of insight into how girls think when they go out is also very helpful. For example – when trying to pick up a girl, three is a happy number. A girl by herself is the obvious ideal setup, but it is exceedingly rare. Also, if I see a single girl at the bar after about 8pm, with nobody actively trying to hit on her, I have to assume something strange is going on. Best to avoid that altogether. Two girls out together is generally more intimate – they are not going to look kindly on some sketchy guy trying to horn in on their conversation. Groups of five or more girls have a similar issue – you are looking at a girls’ night out, and in my experience it is hard (though not impossible) to break into one of these without the help of a wingman. Groups of three (occasionally four) are perfect. They are not too intimate, and not so huge that you will be the lone, obviously awkward guy. And when you start to separate your girl from her friends, they have each other to talk to – the imperative to stick together is not as strong.

As Doc G (my former wingman, and a bro far wiser than I) once observed, the best times to pick up girls at our age is after long breaks. Girls, used to being free and unrestrained, have had to live at home for a month, and upon returning to school, are looking to make up for lost time.

And then of course there are the times I just want to be ridiculous. I will not lie – I have, on multiple occasions, concocted elaborate lies and back stories in order to pick up girls. I have worn monocles (it works, I would advise all male readers to pick one up at their earliest convenience), been a frat brother, and expounded on the stresses of being a chemistry/theatre double major in undergrad. I’ve been from out of town, and I’ve been from ­really out of town (Ireland). I’ve used my med schooler status, and I’ve been just a lowly first year undergrad.  The trick here is to keep the lie flashy but simple, with just enough truth in it to lend credibility, and vague enough that you can explain your way out of it if someone calls your bluff.

“You guys are theatre kids? No way! I was a theatre/chemistry double major (impressive) in undergrad – we just had our presentation of Sinfonicron (true) and I had a blast!” (A vague statement; in the context of the conversation they will assume you were an actor, but if pressed, you can simply explain you had a blast seeing the show.)

And again, confidence is key here. I have walked into countless random keggers and just asked for “John” (it’s a nice common name). A knowledge of psychology is also important for knowing what you can get away with. For example, you are talking to a girl who is a little skeptical as to who you are. You merely explain that you are friends with THAT GUY – a random dude across the party – to whom you then wave or give a nod. Nine times out of ten the guy will wave or nod back, without even thinking about it. Similarly, putting your arm around some random guy, pointing to him, and saying “THIS guy! I LOVE this guy!” will generally get you a grin and a “This guy is awesome too!” in return. You both know it’s a joke, but she doesn’t.

Innocent? Maybe, but be wary if he's wearing a monocle.

At the end of the night, confidence and charm are important to actually hook up, but as long as you have fun with it, the worst thing that can happen is you make some new friends.