Tag Archives: Cat Lady

About the Author: Emily is a fourth year drama major at UVa and hails from Watertown, Connecticut.  She tells the best stories of anyone I’ve ever met, and knows the uncharted waters of the internet (she can point you towards any cat video/comic that you might desire).

My first grade teacher only yelled at me once, but I remember the incident clearly.  She had asked for a student to read the day’s lunch options and I threw my hand into the air, planning to play a  hilarious joke on my pre-pubescent peers.  Rather than read “pizza, green beans, Jell-O cup…” I simply responded, “MEOW! MEOW MEOW MEOW! MEOW ME -…” until my teacher cut me off with a sharp scold.

I imagine that I got off the bus that day and immediately confided the experience in my best friend, Beau (an ancient orange tabby).  I probably scribbled pages of angsty, emotional gold in the diary I kept as a six-year-old: a notebook covered in pictures of cats.  Yet the small-but-traumatic punishment was worth the testament of adoration to my favorite bewhiskered creatures, because already, at the tender young age of first-grader, I was exhibiting tell-tale traits of cat-ladydom.

Years later, I wish I could tell you all about how much has changed.  If I could, I’d proudly discuss all the stationary I own that doesn’t have cats on it, all my clothes that aren’t covered in cat hair, and how much time I don’t spend analyzing pet food labels.  In reality, I spend too much time comparing brands of litter, I recently kept a notebook of potential cat names, and I don’t spend my evenings canoodling on the couch with my gorgeous adoring millionaire model boyfriend…I spend them snuggling with Beatrice.  Beatrice, who is feline.

Now, here’s the kicker: I enjoy this.  Being a friend (okay, devoted follower) of felines carries a clear potential for ridicule.  It seems the label “cat-lady” often carries “crazy,” “socially inept,” “smelly,” “terminally single,” and “way-too-into-Twilight” along with it, but I assure you that is not the case.  I am, in fact, perfectly sane and totally extroverted, I shower regularly and own several perfumes, I’m confident in my romantic endeavors, and I think Twilight is super dumb.

This…

does not necessarily mean this…

I merely supplement my rather normal existence with very fulfilling snuggle-sessions, more than a few videos of Maru, and lots of lint rollers.  And I am not alone; all across America – nay, the World – millions of cat-owners lead perfectly enviable lives.  In fact, we take pride in our kitty-love for multiple reasons.  The following are just some of my favorites:

1) Mini Maternal Fixes: Being the fully sane individual I am (see above), I understand that I’m not raising a human child.  Still, I can’t deny the warm fuzzies I get from knowing I’m responsible for Bea’s off-the-charts joie de vivre.

2) Being a Grownup: Paying the vet bill, like paying rent, gives a short-lived but powerful sense of doing something slightly more adult than rinsing out your prized collection of European shot glasses and recycling the Natty cans you drained last Thursday.

3) Health: If no cat has ever strolled across your back, then you’ve sadly never experienced the joys of kitty massage.  Plus, I bet I let my blood pressure chillax more often than you do.

4) This:

Seriously, how can you resist?

So next time you stand behind a woman in line putting several dozen cans of Fancy Feast on the conveyor belt, paying for her groceries on a kitty cat checkbook and casually dropping “meows” into her conversation, remember: that kind and nurturing soul is just doing what she’s gotta do to care for an adorable and innocent creature.

(Oh, and before you mock her, just know that she’s probably having more sex than you.)