Tag Archives: Sister

An Ode to Grace

Today, my “baby” sister turns 22. My, how time flies.  {that’s what you’re supposed to say after that, right?}

Last night I made a special train trip down to visit her and celebrate. True to family fashion, she hosted a dessert party with cider sangria, a bonfire, and marshmallow roasting.  I made a lemon-raspberry cake with cream cheese frosting (birthday girl’s request), the evening was full of cats (also the birthday girl’s request), and we even had bedtime stories.

real estate space on the cake was limited, but Gracie was indeed happy

 

with her lovely birthday spread, blowing out some tea light candles

catz everywhere.

So here’s to Grace Anne, the hippest sis I could ask for.

you are the pinot in my grigio and the southern in my comfort.

I love you, your cats love you, the world loves you.

{Big} Sister

Ever since I opened the car door on the highway and tried to toss my baby sister out on the way home from the hospital after her birth my little sister was born, I knew that I was destined to be the World’s Greatest Big Sister. Just ask the baby doll I left haphazardly lovingly toted around (naked) in preparation for her birth. As my fellow LiL’ers have already told you, there is some serious magic that goes into sisterly relationships.

This week, I unexpectedly got to have my own beautiful (and not in the least psychologically damaged from years of sisterly abuse love) sister stay with me for a few days.  Although it isn’t always the best of times that bring us together, I am always grateful for some extra snuggles and gossip and love from this crazy amazing lady. See below for photographic evidence of why she is sooooooo cool.

Friends. BEST friends.
this is us… hanging out in our parents’ deconstructed washing machine on tuesday night, after dinner. I am in footie pajamas. this is an average night with our family.
gracie kind of definitely has a heart of gold. this is Lucille, who gracie “adopted” as her own this past week while visiting a friend in hospice. they did puzzles together (Lucille tried to eat the puzzle) and talked about Ohio.
gracie loves me even when I don’t know how to properly download and re-upload photos and resort to screen shots of our cuteness.

Summary of this week: basically, my sister is the bomb-dot-com. I kind of love her a lot.

 

Sometimes we listen to sisterly love ballads in the car | I said sister, here is what I know now :  In your love, my salvation lies

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Also, we finally fulfilled our life dreams of emulating our favorite Mormon Mommy Blog and went to BGR last night for a late dinner.

Big Sister

We have established that I’m the daughter of a rockin’ mama, and the little sister of a fantabulous broseph, but I’m squirelling away two whole other family members from you all.  Gratefully, I’m the daughter of a super supportive friggin’ goofball of a father, but he just celebrated his 50th so he can take a chill pill for a second on getting blog credit.  I’m here to talk about my sis; I am the sage, wise-beyond-her-years older counterpart to my way more stylish, arguably more driven, and definitely super hot younger sister, Hilary.

Hil, made even awesomer by her love of my adorable pooch and the freakishly orange/yellow tinge of my mom's iPhone camera.

Something about being an older sister to another sister feels somehow much more…older sistery to me.  Just like it always seemed fitting that the older sibling to boss me around but ultimately always be there for love and stability in a very “do not touch my sister” kind of way was my brother and a dude, I think it makes sense that anyone to whom I could have offered any formative wisdom would be a fellow chica.  ‘Cause face it, who was going to brace her for the incredibly awkward talk that our very large and wrinkled school nurse had to administer to all the fourth grade girls, Ben?  No no no, mon frere, this is a job for SUPER OLDER SISTER!

Such ladies

As it turns out, most of the wisdom I’ve offered in the ways of growing gracefully into womanhood has been incredibly shallow, usually involving breakdowns of water-to-booze ratios to successfully evade a hangover, or philosophical ramblings on what boys do and do not appreciate about various lip glosses and what it all means.  One instance that sticks out is when she asked me do the makeup on her tanlines to camoflage them for her 8th grade graduation dance.  And there I stood, beaming with pride and smugness that my younger sister had bestowed upon me this big sister honor of smearing Jane concealer on her collarbones.

I'm extra full of sisterly love after Hil's Thanksgiving visit to Portland. Here you see us about to stuff our faces.

As well suited as we were in our adorable years as Barbie Universe Co-Creatrixes, I definitely understand why parents always try to break up sib-spats with “just you wait, you two will be friends when you growup and you’ll wish you were nicer to each other blah blah blah.” Blah blah blahs aside, I’ve definitely felt closer and closer to my sister as our age difference (3 years) has become less and less drastic; once we got past the madness that was one 18-year-old and one 15-year-old attempting to relate to one another (not reccommended), the three year gap started playing less and less of a factor in our ability to chat, giggle, open up to, and drink converse with one another.  Plus, it has become more and more evident that there are ways in which we absolutely need each other.  Hilary’s kept me from leaving the house a complete space cadet on more than one occasion (plus we’ve already established she has way, way more style than I ever will), and I’ve pulled her head out of her butt while she was being a giant bizz-natch many a time (though Em D., you’d be proud to know she most often navigates the chilly waters of the Ice Queen brilliantly).  And both of us have made the other laugh her face off in numerous instances.  With my idealistic flightiness and my brother’s serious practicality practically coaxing my family in bi-polar directions, it’s nice having Hil’s half-giggled sass attacks thrown in the mix to keep things a little bizarre.

Our family's Christmas cards always just barely miss the mark...thanks, 2008.

Bottom line is, I have a rockin’ little sis who I adore even when she tells me all about my horrible taste in clothes/music/boys/hair color/handbags, because I know she’d stilleto-heel a bitch who tried to steal my happy (if anyone were ever to write a bad review of anything I ever accomplished or created, I guarantee Hil would be the first one to slander that effer to Kingdom come.  And if I revoke my marriage skepticism, I guarantee you there will be no crying babies at my ceremony…she’d be on that ish like white on rice, and looking fabulous mind you.)  She’s my sissypants, and I love her oodles : )

Little Sister

This one’s gonna be a shorty, folks, because my brother is visiting!  And he’s here all the way from the Big Bad Apple NYC and for only two days so I don’t want to spend too much time on TeH iNtErnEtZZ.

He loves me!

I’m a middle child, so I have the benefit of being both a younger and older sister (this might sound like torture to some people but I think it’s a HUGE part of why I love my sibs so much and I’m super grateful for my birth order).  I also have the benefit of having both a brother and a sister, and it worked out perfectly that the sis is younger (being an older sister to another sister seems somehow so much more…older sisterly) and the bro is older (being a younger sister to a big brother seem so much more…little sisterly).

Did we fight a bunch growing up?  Hell effin’ yeah.  We argued off the bajeezus belt and disagreed a ton.  But I love my broseph and it seems like everything my parents used to tell us when we’d all argue (“one day you kids will all be best friends blah blah blah…”) is steadily growing truer and truer.   Plus, who gave me all his hand-me-down baseball gloves so they were perfectly broken in when I needed them for t-ball (AWWW)?  Who would stay in the kitchen with me to make sure I didn’t burn the house down when I’d make elaborate weekend brunches burnt French toast?  Who made his frat buddies treat me like royalty on a visit while behaving like perfect gentlemen?  And who snuck me more booze, more consistantly, and more reliably than anyone else until I hit the Golden 2-1?  That would be my big broseph.

Thanks, Benji : )

Half-Sister

Amy, thank you for contributing! You make us feel classy and cultured.

About the author: Our super-extra-special guest blogger Amy is from Ireland (and is as big a Taylor Swift fan as this picture would have you think).  She’ll be graduating law school in Cork this fall and hopefully starting a postgraduate degree then too. She spends a lot of her time plotting ways to move to warmer climates and blogging narcissistically at amycoleman.tumblr.com. She’s super excited to be contributing to Life in Labels from across the pond (but not half excited as we are)!

When you think about halvsies, what do you think about? I think about counting out candies so each of us would have the same amount or splitting the cost of birthday presents for my friends.

The results of Ireland’s 2011 census, completed nationwide on April 11th, will provide statistics which show that approximately one in three children is born outside of marriage. It will show that over 11% of family units are cohabiting couples, with or without children. It will show that the marital breakdown rate in this country stands at around 13%, leading to a high probability of second marriages and subsequently, an increase in the number of step- and half-siblings. It will show, once again, that there is a crippling lack of recognition in this country for people outside the state’s definition of what constitutes normality.

I’m staying with my dad and my step-mom on the census night this year. Their house is about three hours away from where I live and go to school. Question 3 on the Irish census asks me for my relationship to persons 1-4. One is dad, two’s my stepmom. There’s no option for half-sibling, so I tick ‘brother or sister’ and move on.

People ask me sometimes, “How did you end up normal!?” and while I’m never sure whether to feel complimented or insulted, there’s a certain amount of truth in there. My parents were little more than children when they were catapulted onto the incessant treadmill of parenthood and, twenty-two years later, they are still in their very early forties and we’ve all lived a lot of life. I’d always wanted siblings, having grown up a bookish only child badly in need of some sibling companionship (and some social adeptness too) but when the following years saw the dissolution of my parents relationship and their creating new ones, I realised maybe I was destined for only-childdom.

I got lucky and my half-sister was born a few months before my 10th birthday. She’s terrific. She just got braces on her teeth, which she hates wearing. She wears purple converses and parts her hair to the side. We paint our nails and go shopping and feel the same way about Taylor Swift. Our brother is 8 and wishes he had a younger brother he could boss around. He humiliates me at soccer and Wii Sports and we read Harry Potter together before bed when I come to visit.

“You wouldn’t understand,” an acquaintance said, as we talked in a group of friends about sibling relations, “You’re an only child!”

I feel like the concept of family has evolved so much that a view like this is antiquated. My brother talks about his two sisters, and when anybody asks me, I say I’m the oldest of three. It’s not hesitated, and I don’t have to think about whether I should explain myself or not. I’m not sure whether the census form was being conciliatory to Ireland’s half-siblings, or whether it just left us out. While the state refuses to make proper provision for its de-facto families, I’ll wait for change. What I do know is that even though I may not have grown up with my siblings, this does not make a fraction of our relationship. We argue about what’s on TV when we’re together and who’s going to walk the dog. When they’re older and have their own money, we’ll go halvsies, maybe even thirdsies, on birthday presents for our parents.

If we were a fraction, we’d be a whole number: three.

The Oldest

Oh hey, Life in Labels. As you may have heard, I recently graduated. If you’re wondering where I’ve been, here’s an update:

After I finished finals in early May, I headed off to Myrtle Beach to experience the most sacred of college traditions: Beach Week.

Then, I wore the “honors of Honor” and graduated, finally.

After graduation, I went to Spain with my little brother (and only sibling), which makes me the oldest child. This is a photo of Michael and I at the Picasso Museum in Barcelona.

Being the oldest is interesting. I’m a people pleaser by nature, which I think comes from years of wanting to make my parents proud. I care a lot more about what my parents think about my choices than my little brother does.

Before I go farther delving into what being the oldest entails, my mother would want me to mention that my parents had a hard time having kids. They were married 10 years before I was born, and they desperately wanted children. Because of this, my parents coddled me more than most. I was born prematurely, and in their eyes (and also from a medical perspective), a miracle. As such, my feet didn’t touch the ground for an entire year. (Yes, I’ve worked this all out in therapy…just kidding.) Because of this, I grew up very aware of what was expected of me.

My brother, also a miracle in  medical terms, experienced a different sort of pressure. I was given so much attention (see: helicopter parents) that I strove to meet high expectations. As a first born, I have a sort of inborn internal motivation for “perfection.” Michael grew up a little more under the radar, and only had to face the same expectations when I went away for college (or so I’ve heard). When I left, the spotlight was on him, and he was happier in the days in which he could avoid such scrutiny. I’m certain he was not interested in any sort of comparison between the two of us. Michael is much more laid back than I am, and approaches “success” in a less Type-A way. He’s successful in his own right, but I struggled with perfectionism. As such, he is a generally happy kid, and I’m a ball of stress found frequently banging my head against the wall.

There are certainly good qualities that are attributed to first born children. An article published in Time Magazine in 2007 quotes:

“Firstborns do more than survive; they thrive. In a recent survey of corporate heads conducted by Vistage, an international organization of ceos, poll takers reported that 43% of the people who occupy the big chair in boardrooms are firstborns, 33% are middle-borns and 23% are last-borns. Eldest siblings are disproportionately represented among surgeons and M.B.A.s too, according to Stanford University psychologist Robert Zajonc. And a recent study found a statistically significant overload of firstborns in what is—or at least ought to be—the country’s most august club: the U.S. Congress. “We know that birth order determines occupational prestige to a large extent,” says Zajonc. “There is some expectation that firstborns are somehow better qualified for certain occupations.”"

Thanks, birth order.

PS: In celebration of the upcoming final Harry Potter movie, I’m happy to share that J.K. Rowling was a first born. Obviously, such a genius had to be, amiright?

The Baby.

Since I was the youngest and cutest (cough), my parents felt naturally compelled to grab a camera and record the above moment. For all they knew, this could have been the last time a stable Lego structure was built under their roof. In other words, it was a big deal.

Earlier this week we heard from Joceline, an outgoing and well-adjusted middle child who seemed unfazed by the supposed curse of her birth order. I, on the other hand, feel very shaped by mine. For better or worse, I am “the baby” of my family and I’m not ashamed to admit it. In addition to being the youngest  of my siblings,  I am also one of the last born of my generation (on both sides of the family), meaning I had very little age bracket competition until my cousins grew up and had children of their own. I was that kid at family reunions who tolerated frequent cheek pinches and spent a majority of my time either hiding behind my mother’s legs or singing Disney songs at the top of my lungs. So yeah, I am definitely familiar with this role.

It also didn’t help matters that I spent my toddlerhood abroad. My parents recorded my early years meticulously…as in we have  hours of home video footage that mostly consist of my father following me around as I do mundane things while my poor, neglected “middle child” sister attempts unsuccessfully to jump into the frame. See,  it’s not my fault that I am a stereotype. From an early age I was conditioned to be an attention hog.

Going to your two older siblings' rival school? Classic last-born move.

Like other younger children, I benefited from observing and learning from my older siblings. Unfortunately, this advantage also comes with excess pressure  to uphold one’s family dynasty. Every younger sibling can relate to that moment on the first day of school when a teacher does a double take at the sound of your last name  and you quickly realize that said teacher is already formulating assumptions about you. This is probably why so many “babies” like myself go out of their way to be different. According to stereotypes, this type of  pressure can sometimes produce high performing children (apparently 23 of the 28 science revolutions in the last 400 years were led by last borns – woot! ) OR it can all go to hell in a handbag and the child can turn into a rebellious troublemaker.  I haven’t decided which path I will follow yet.

In my teen years I was a seasoned babysitter and I would often look after young kids in groups of two or three. In almost every family, the youngest child exhibited the same behavior: the strategic leveraging of their cuteness and age, the mixture of real and fake tears to get their way, and (my personal favorite) that doe-eyed expression of innocence that makes you forget that he/she just bit their older sibling in the arm. Though, in my book, violence and fake tears automatically put you in a time-out, I have to admit that I secretly experienced some solidarity.  Once upon a time I too was guilty of all of those crafty deeds, so when a little kid pulls a fast one on me I’m often torn as to whether to be angry or impressed by their innovative tactics. Once the youngest, always the youngest I guess.

At the age of eight or nine, I was casually informed of the fact that - when I was a baby - my brother and sister used play a game where they took turns sitting on me. Think about that the next time you claim the youngest kid always has it easy.

If you’re ready to enter a CRAZY time machine, please watch the video below and be prepared to explode with nerdstalgia.

Middle Child.

Much to my father’s dismay, I was not born a boy.  After my older sister was born, I think he might have been hoping for a son to continue his bloodline.  But I popped out decidedly female, and after the birth of my younger sister, he resigned himself to Life Among the Women.

But that’s a post for another day.  I grew up contentedly unaware that I had thwarted my dad’s familial dreams, sandwiched between Alex, two years older, and Sophie, three years younger.

See, we love each other! No sibling rivalry here!

Off the top of my head I can think of a few things middle children are stereotyped to be…people-pleasing, eager to live up to the milestones set by the eldest.  Mediators, used to making peace between their siblings.  Resentful that the other two kids get more attention than they do.  And to some extent I fulfill those criteria.  I’d say part of the reason why I’m eager to please (sometime overly so) is because I yearned to get approval from my parents for the same things Alex did.  Peace-maker, though?  It was more often that I’d pick a fight with either of my sisters, since they were too far in age to regularly clash.  And resentful?  Maybe the reason I’m so loud and extroverted is because I was competing hard for attention from my parents.  And I’ve never felt neglected, so I have to guess it worked.

 But I wasn’t aware that as a middle child, I apparently am cursed to a life of loneliness, attention-seeking, and inadequacy.  I googled “middle children” and found Middle Child Personality, an “online community dedicated to middle children” aimed at “awareness of middle child syndrome.”  What with living in the shadow of your older sibling and receiving none of the doting attention that the baby of the family gets, middle kids can have low self-esteem and act out to get attention.  Their accomplishments may not receive as much parental praise (“Wow, you lost your first tooth!”), since the older child got there first, and the youngest kid’s achievements have sentimental value (“Aw, that’s the last first tooth we’ll see!”).

That's right, she's the youngest and I have to admit, she IS cuter than I am.

So can this be true?  Does birth order really affect your personality that much?  I guess that’s like asking if your upbringing affects your personality.  Of course it does!  Your family structure, and the role you play within it, is going to have some influence on the way you approach life.  But your sibling number doesn’t doom you to a permanent inferiority complex any more than having overbearing parents would.  While it might be easier to fall into a personality trap based on the way your family was, it’s not written in stone.  (I always get very exasperated when people blame their personality flaws on the way their parents treated them growing up.  It’s not easy to change your personality, but copping out because of your upbringing makes me very impatient.)

Your unique family dynamic also has a huge impact on the truth of the middle child syndrome.  My sisters and I are all very different when it comes to interests and skills, so comparing the three of us to each other wasn’t employed often.  Also, is three children really so many kids that attention has to be split unevenly among them?  My parents did a pretty good job of giving all of us adequate time.  Incidentally, this makes me paranoid about when I eventually have kids and have to guard against playing favorites.  While fostering some gentle competition might be a good way to get them to achieve (but then would I be turning into a tiger mom?), I can definitely see it backfiring.  And then I would be another poster-child for physician-failing-as-a-caring-parent. Thank goodness that’s pretty far off.

I will say I fulfill classic middle child stereotype in that I got a lot more leeway with certain things than Alex did. My parents frowned upon the idea of letting her go to school dances until she was a junior in highschool, but they took one look at my bespectacled tomboyishness and practically pushed me out the door in a Homecoming dress in an effort to make me more well-rounded. Sorry, Alex.

Sister

Seeing as I don’t have a sister, this is about me being a sister to a lovely little brother. He’s 18 and at Virginia Tech. Can you feel the love?

Sister (the little kind)

Lauren, your “Sister” post was nothing short of adorable. To balance out the cosmos I’ve decided to share this:

The Bridal Chokehold

Clearly, my older sister and I were having a Kodak moment.

 

Sister

My sister’s in town, visiting from New York.  She graced me with her presence for an hour or so last night.

We ate brownies and mint chocolate chip ice cream.  We painted our nails.  We made plans for our double date in two weeks, when she’ll be here again.  We shared stories of in laws.  She tried to get me to tell her what her Christmas present was.  I refused.  She complimented my living room decor, and I gave her back the sweater I “accidentally” stole from her over Thanksgiving.

Being a sister is about instantly getting a joke, always being there when you’re needed, and lending out your mascara.  What more could you want than a good sister?

Jenna + Lauren