Ah, the creeper. Girls slap that title on guys who are trying too hard, seem too desperate, or otherwise just weird us out, and we waste no time in skewering him to our friends. “He just gives me a vibe.” “He asked me to dinner for tomorrow.“ “He has creepy facial hair.” “He showed up at Trinity by himself after texting me, and tried to dance with me when HELLO, ladies’ night!”
Things that will land a guy on the creeper list:
- Explicit texting too early or unencouraged
- Touching on the small of the back/too much physical contact in general
- Too many compliments/comments about our physical appearance (compliments are nice, but if he calls us beautiful repeatedly, he’s trying really hard)
- Making it too clear he’s stalked us on facebook beyond the trivial stuff that shows up on his news feed (we all do it but for the love of God don’t talk about it!)
- Always asking/showing up to where you are
Talking to too many ladies at once might earn you a creeper title, unless you’re a baller like Randy here.
But honestly, the most important thing that determines whether a guy is in Camp Maybe or Camp Creepy: how attractive he is.
Yes, I know. We’re not that shallow! But maybe, sometimes, we are. Think about it. A lot of the guys we’ve labeled as creepers are just hitting on us because we’re out, they’re out, we’re all flirting, and maybe they’re awkward and think you can’t go wrong with telling a girl she’s pretty! But now, think of that last guy you called creepy, but imagine if he were really hot and you had a crush on him. Now, let’s put on the rose-colored glasses of “this guy is really hot” and take a look at that list again:
Over-texting He’s so interested in how my day was!
Explicit texting Oh heyyyy, glad someone took it there!
Touching on the small of the back What a charmer!
Too many compliments Compliments!
The facebook stalking Good thing he went through all of my pictures too, or else it would make me a weirdo.
Staring Ooh, eye contact!
Showing up to where you are Yes, he’s here, now to casually ignore him until he comes and talks to me.
There’s even a Google+ ad about this–this chick initially thinks the poor guy is a creeper but they end up getting married! Be careful who you label, you might have to hurt his feelings later.
See? A lot of the time when I call a guy a creep, it actually means I’m not attracted to him. Which is fine, but I’ll call it what it really is–being shallow. And everyone’s allowed to not be attracted to someone. But don’t label a poor guy who likes you as a creeper when you just don’t like him back. Calling someone a “creeper” should mean that he makes you feel uncomfortable or unsafe, and should be a warning to your friends that this guy might be looking to take advantage of you or them. Actually being creepy means doing things like:
- Keeping the drinks coming, even when he hasn’t asked if we want another one or if we still have one in our hand
- Touching/talking/texting/anything when we make it clear we don’t want him to
- And as a grad student, explicitly going out to pick up “undergrad chicks”. A twenty-year-old and a twenty-eight-year-old can find love across the bar of the Virginian, but going out with the goal of hitting on exclusively younger girls is, well, creepy.
And guys, there is a female counterpart to this. Girls call you creepy because we do have to be concerned that people might be out there to take advantage of us. But you know what you do? Call us Batshit Crazy. And that’s a post for another day…